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A fabulous look for January.
Hi, my name is Kate, and I’m a punaholic. Sorry. Seriously though, January Jones looks amazing in this Andrew Gn gown — the detailing is gorgeous, the fit is perfect, and the dress is edgy and modern without being at all overdone or informal. That January’s hair and make-up are absurdly simple only proves that she (or her stylist) understands that with a dress this great, you don’t try to compete; you just walk the red carpet and smile. Kids, say hello to my favorite dress so far of 2009.
posted 25 January 2009 @ 20:21 by FPN » 0 Comments
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Dear Brad Pitt, Wear a f*&king tie.
Also, we know you may have meant for the mustache to say “Clark Gable”, but we’re pretty sure it says “child molester” instead. That is all. Smooches, FPN.
posted 25 January 2009 @ 19:56 by FPN » 0 Comments
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Vote for your fav SAG couple.
Six actors I love, three excellent red dresses - it’s tough to pick a favorite. Choose yours in the latest FPN poll (it’s right there on the righthand side of your screen). Enjoy!
Smooches, FPN
posted 25 January 2009 @ 19:39 by FPN » 0 Comments
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Forgive the pun, readers. I’m just so… desperate.
Wisteria Lane is a place filled with mystery. On the left, I’m forced to wonder: where did Brenda Strong’s right boob go? Did she think the left one needed no support? What the hell is happening with that shoulder schmutz? Or those shoes? As Robert Stack might say, the mystery remains unsolved.
Meanwhile, I know what’s happening with Nicollette Sheridan’s dress. For the life of me, I don’t know why. Are we attending some kind of hash party/séance after the awards? Or maybe she’s just trying to get a piece of Kate Winslet’s Holocaust action by portraying a gypsy fleeing the Nazis. Personally, I hope she’s trying to launch a faux pas competition with hubby Michael Bolton’s hair circa 1990. Who will win?? DAMN IT, it’s another unsolved mystery!
posted 25 January 2009 @ 19:16 by FPN » 0 Comments
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Alannah Myles, eat your heart out.
She may have been singing about Elvis the first time around, but I have to say, this black velvet is bringing me to my knees at the moment. Inky and fluid and unexpected and tied together with - that’s right - a leather cord, it once again proves that a dress doesn’t have to be completely unexpected if it fits like a dream (although this one, I think, is both). Nicely done!
Update: Who made the dress? Azzedine Alaia. A-what-a? It’s like a totally important designer.
posted 25 January 2009 @ 18:57 by FPN » 0 Comments
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Don’t look now, it’s melon chiffon’s evil sister - melon taffeta.
Those of you who know me know that there are few actors I love or admire more than Laura Linney, and while she rarely takes fashion risks, she also rarely makes serious missteps. Not so tonight, when she appears to have stocked up on so much extra taffeta that if someone steals this dress, she’ll have enough leftover to make another. We should be so lucky.
posted 25 January 2009 @ 18:47 by FPN » 0 Comments
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Hey guys, I got you a present! It’s Lisa Rinna’s vagina!
I know, I know - I shouldn’t have. No, really. I shouldn’t have.
posted 25 January 2009 @ 18:36 by FPN » 0 Comments
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Nothing wrong with simple and perfect.
Far too often, stars will be safe to the point of dull (I’m looking at you, Angelina), or they’ll go the other way and throw so much crap at a dress that you’re not sure whether you’re looking at couture or a craft project (cough, Eva, cough). But every so often, you’ll see a dress that is just interesting enough not to be boring, and whose fit is so perfect that the tailoring is irrefutable. Tonight, Taraji P. Henson is wearing such a dress. White is an impossible color to wear, and she pulls it off flawlessly. Well played!
posted 25 January 2009 @ 18:02 by FPN » 0 Comments
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And the award for worst accessories goes to…
Good thing Evan Rachel Wood’s horrific purple shoes match her horrific purple bag. Some kind of FPN prize for the reader who comes up with the best name for that color. Although let me say this: neither of those accessories would be as bad on ERW’s arm as Marilyn Manson. So hey, way to move on up!
posted 25 January 2009 @ 17:45 by FPN » 0 Comments
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In the future, it will be acceptable to adjust one’s junk on the red carpet.
Unfortunately for Mickey Rourke, we’re living circa now, when we try not to stick our hands down our pants when children (or Ryan Seacrest) might be watching. But maybe I’m getting this all wrong - maybe Mickey is just so method that he’s trying to bring a wrestler’s tacky fabulosity to the SAGs. In which case, ya know. Way to be an actor, I guess? But if I said way not to make me want to hang myself with your inexplicably red patent leather belt, well, we both know I’d be lying.
posted 25 January 2009 @ 17:33 by FPN » 0 Comments
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Eva does her part for the failing economy by buying all the melon chiffon there is.
Let it be noted that she is also helping out the inappropriate shoulder mesh and Bedazzler-esque rhinestone industries. Another beneficiary of this canatloupian horror? Fashion bloggers who could use a good laugh. Bless your heart, Eva! Bless your heart!
posted 25 January 2009 @ 17:26 by FPN » 0 Comments
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Jeez, Ma Ingalls sure cleans up nice.
Yes, this might be a lovely dress for say, a Mother of the Bride in Des Moines. Or even, perhaps, a bridesmaid’s dress if you had a whole lot of gals with different kinds of figures and you didn’t want to pick something too unflattering. But for an A-list star to wear a dress that can really only be described as sack-like to a major awards show? Sorry, Angie. I’m calling this one a big win for Team Aniston - and Jen didn’t even show. Let me know how it goes when they toss the bouquet!
posted 25 January 2009 @ 17:19 by FPN » 0 Comments
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Welcome back, FPN!
After nearly a year of hiatus (and a move to the West Coast), we’re back and blogging! Join us for the wonders and atrocities of Award Season 2009. Tonight’s special? The SAG awards. Bon appetit!
Smooches, FPN
posted 25 January 2009 @ 17:07 by FPN » One Comment
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What a difference a good picture makes! (Or, why even skinny people should wear clothes that fit.)
FPN faithful, let’s take a journey together, into a frightening world where even the most flawless celebs create their own downfalls through poor fashion choices. In the top photo, we see Cameron Diaz looking like her statuesque self – of course, the dress looks a little like Drew Barrymore’s 2007 pink Globes Galliano and Cam’s own white Oscar Valentino disaster had a baby, but we’re willing to look past that. (At least, for the sake of argument.) Turn your attention, if you will, to the bottom lefthand photo, where we begin to see that this dress is a bit tight up top, crushing Cam’s poor ta-tas and giving the illusion that she has -dare I say it?- back fat. We can also now see that the dress is badly wrinkled and quite in need of a steam. On the right, the back fat only looks worse, and the dress has somehow managed to make the Diaz posterior (which I estimate weighs as much as the laptop on which I type these words) look as large as a wide-screen plasma. Throw in a drab pony-tail and hardly any make-up, and we have the makings of red carpet ruin. (And they made her pronounce “cinematography” for the ceremony! Can’t a girl catch a break?)
posted 26 February 2008 @ 23:32 by FPN » 0 Comments
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Who knew that Oscar man-candy came in so many delightful flavors?
Sure, they’re all dressed pretty much the same (with the exception of Javier’s windsor, delicious!), but that only serves to better accentuate their differences. In the mood for the rakish heir to the mantle of Cary Grant? Allow me to suggest George Clooney. But if you’d rather go with boyish charm and down-to-earth warmth, Jason Bateman might be for you. Then again, if you crave understated danger with a laugh behind the eyes, Javier Bardem could be your perfect friend-o. Perhaps you seek the most sugary candy of all, in which case it doesn’t get much sweeter than Patrick Dempsey’s McDreamy smile. Sure, it’s a sexist double standard these men have far less work to do before the red carpet and face far less severe judgment afterward, so I say, hey, let’s do our part to even the score and objectify the hell out of them. It’s certainly a scrumptious pastime!
posted 25 February 2008 @ 23:47 by FPN » 0 Comments
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Interestingly, I also considered this hair-do for Oscar night, on account of I didn’t really feel like drying my hair.
Calista Flockhart, on the other hand, presumably had some sort of stylist, as well as time specifically allotted for getting ready. Maybe playing a Republican on Brothers & Sisters has begun to mess with her head, literally. It’s hard to explain. At least, harder to explain than it was to create this style. I miss her short skirt!
posted 25 February 2008 @ 15:13 by FPN » 0 Comments
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If only great acting healed burned retinas.
I’m sure many of you are feeling confused by the above pictures, so let me attempt to address your questions here: Yes, Daniel Day-Lewis did, in fact, wear the same outfit to both the SAGs and the Oscars. No, I don’t know why he thought it was okay to besmirch the red carpet with brown nubuck booties at both events. Yes, he does seem to enjoy a skinny-legged pant. No, I don’t think that Daniel and his wife, Rebecca qualify as an exception to the black and brown together rule. Yes, her dress was made by a real designer (Christian Lacroix), not an exuberant kindergartener. No, I didn’t realize that hot glue guns were an appropriate tool for couture. Yes, her shoes are zebra print. No, no, I can’t recall a bigger red carpet disaster in recent memory. Yes, I am eternally grateful for this faux pas fabulousness.
posted 25 February 2008 @ 15:01 by FPN » 0 Comments
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Chris De Burgh thinks this Oscar ceremony was created just for him. (Oh, lady in red…)
To aid you in your vote on the FPN poll (see righthand column), here are photos of some of the many actors who chose to match the carpet they were walking down. I’ll keep my mouth shut on my own opinions till after you’ve voted, though I think you can get a bit of a sense just by reading the poll. Check back later in the week for a more thorough breakdown. Happy voting!
posted 25 February 2008 @ 14:25 by FPN » One Comment
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To borrow language from Project Runway’s Christian Siriano (and from the inimitable Michael Cole), um, this is a hot tranny mess.
Let me first be clear in saying that I adore Tilda Swinton. I think she’s a remarkable actress; she’s wickedly intelligent and funny, and I couldn’t be happier that she took home the most hotly contested Oscar of the night. None of that, however, excuses her walking down the red carpet in what appears to be Morticia Adams’ chopped-up negligee. The cuff on her right wrist looks heavy, but if the weight of it was really going to make her slump forward, I bet she could have picked another bracelet. Furthermore, I’m pretty sure that whoever invented mascara was thinking about this moment and the many frightened children watching at home. Ah, well. I suppose that somewhere, in preparation for a post-Oscar drag show, some gingery tranny is very, very happy. And we can all be thankful for that.
posted 25 February 2008 @ 13:55 by FPN » One Comment
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This year, Anne Hathaway does her part to promote recycling.
After last year’s Valentino “big bow” catastrophe, it’s nice to see that Anne went with a simpler, more classic look. Unfortunately, it’s the same look Sigourney Weaver went with in 2001. At the time, Weaver’s Galliano creation was seen as forward and edgy — it was at the forefront of the fabric flower trend that has yet to die, and the pairing of the feminine details with a more structured gown and bold red fishnets was a smart and playful nod to the different ways society views women in red dresses. Everything about Anne’s Marchesa, on the other hand, from the timid draping that we’re all pretty sure Rami from Project Runway could have done better, to the ponytail more invocative of a bobby-soxer than a screen siren, said nothing more clearly than, “Boy, I hope this won’t get me yelled at.” Which proves, of course, that a lack of fashion sense will always shine through, no matter how safe the look appears to be. Good old Anne. She never lets me down!
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